Twilight: New Moon

There are lots of spoilers ahead!

These days we are bombarded by information on the internet and it is very hard to escape even the tiniest detail about films about to be released. You can if you try, I just about managed it with the latest Bond film, I didn’t see the trailer, avoided any press and even the page so I didn’t even know who was in it other than Daniel Crag, Judie Dench & Javier Bardem.

So I wasn’t able to go into this film completely unaware of what was about to unfold. What I knew was; Edward left, Bella is attacked by Jasper, Jacob turns into a werewolf and has all his t-shirts stolen…I may have made that last one up.

Once again very little actually happens.

In the first hour Bella has roughly the same conversation with both male leads. Firstly with Edward after Bella is attacked by Jasper. She meet’s him outside her house and they walk into the woods. They then have a very clichéd movie conversation. The Cullen’s are leaving town and Edward is doing what’s best for Bella by telling her that he doesn’t want her in his life, hey it’ll all work out in the end, she’ll resent him and feel happy about it and get on with her life.

Out of left field came a strange bit of dialogue, Edward asks Bella not to do anything reckless for her Fathers sake and then tells her that this is the last time she will see him and that he won’t be back. Well not at least for another 20 minutes. He then disappears as Vampires do, leaving Bella in the woods behind her home, you’d think she would turn around and walk out. Nope, I have no idea how far they walked in complete silence to do that scene but she’s not sure where she is, wanders around, it gets dark, she falls over and passes out. Edwards a keeper ain’t he!

Remember what Eddy boy said “Don’t do anything reckless” & “You won’t see me again”, well Bella takes that to mean ‘if I do something reckless he’ll save me’ queue a flashback to the first film and oddly, a ghostly apparition in the shape of Edward warning her of reckless stuff – and I thought he said she wouldn’t see him again, duh!

With Mr Romantic out of the picture, Bella feels like a bit of rough and heads over to see Jacob who is still sporting that terrible wig from the first film. They have a right good time, Bella smiles, they even have a montage. However the on screen chemistry between Stewart & Lautner is better than Stewart & R-Patz, this may be because Jacob is more animated than Edward.

Bella decides motorbikes are now her thing, the first time she rides one, ghost Ed turns up and she crashes. Jacob speeds after her, notices that her head is bleeding and decides that to stop it he must remove his t-shirt, thereby revealing his newly buffed out torso. For the next hour he is rarely seen with a top on.

Jacob disappears for a bit, it’s not said but I’m guessing he was learning the ways of the wolf. Bella feeling unhappy that her two boys have dumped her goes looking for Jacob and then the conversation from earlier repeats. Jacob now sporting a snazzy new haircut, a tattoo and no t-shirt, tells Bella that he has joined the pack (a group of shirtless guys who hang around in clearings at the back of the shot just out of focus), that he is dangerous and can’t be around her etc.

So that’s about the first hour, then we have the wolf pack doing their thing, Laurent & Victoria from the first film turn up briefly. Victoria looking like a live action vampire version of Merida from Brave. Laurent doesn’t last long and after a brief skirmish Victoria is gone, presumably to get ready for film 3.

Bella still trying to get her kicks, decides to jump off a cliff. Alice Cullen who can see into the future but not it seems far enough to actually be useful, thinks she has committed suicide, when Eddy finds out he is distraught and travels to Italy to commit suicide/be killed by the Volturi. Hmm okay still with me? Oh and wait I didn’t tell you they were studying Romeo & Juliet at school – see where this is going!

After jumping Bella is saved by Jacob and they jointly win the acting award for ‘The Worst CPR / Person Being Revived After Nearly Drowning’. Hilarious.

The action switches to Italy and the appearance of the Volturi and by far the best bit of the film as Michael Sheen arrives to show the kids how to act. He’s not on screen for long but brings the screen alive. With him is Dakota Fanning who again isn’t around for long but is much more fun to watch than Bella & Edward.

I may be remembering this wrong but I think the Volturi wanted Bella turned into a vampire if she was to remain with Edward, or they would kill Edward on the spot. When this is agreed to, they are happy and let them all go. Which seemed odd to me, perhaps this will be built upon in the next films.

Overall I enjoyed this film. I didn’t expect too and for all the things I’ve found odd in the film I shouldn’t like it at all but the occasional unintended laughs I was getting kept me going. There still doesn’t seem to be any on screen chemistry between Bella & Edward but there is between Bella & Jacob. I’m still in the dark as to why she really loves Edward so much, and I don’t feel that has been, or will be explained.

3 out of 5